Well That's a Horse of a Different Color!

I am actually writing this particular blog post whilst waiting for a perm to ripen. I know, my life seems so thrilling compare to your own. Maybe it's just the fumes, but I'm feeling particularly glamorous today. Not. I'm staring out into the middle of the mall, the fountain flows lavishly as my amputee admirer makes bedroom eyes in my direction. Isn't life deliciously grand? I hear a child screaming in the direction of the food court. God, could this get any better? However, I digress fellow readers, and I apologize. Now to the topic at hand... it's one of my favorites! Make-up! Not to ADD off the subject of the goings-on at the Northtowne Mall; but it is not only grotesquely dull, but that's a horse of a different color.
It has long-since been my dream to make a career out of naming cosmetics. Half the fun of purchasing make-up is choosing the cosmetics with the most entertaining names. Is it not? Oh the heart palpitations I get when I verbally rejoice in the fact that I'm wearing an eyeshadow called "Dirty Skank." I'm just kidding, that color doesn't exist; but I picture it as a taupe. How I glow when I know that I'm wearing a lip gloss blessed with the name "Sexy Mother-Pucker." My cheeks begin to tingle with anticipation when I just think of smothering them in a bronzer called "Half-Baked."
I would have to say that three-fourths of the pleasure I recieve when making up my face is looking forward to answering the question, "What color is that?"
I can't help but haughtily preen my pretentious feathers when this question is posed. Instead of responding with some boring hue, I reply with a fabulous shade, "It's called Moroccean Midnight." It's not only a kick-ass name, it is also brims with entertainment value.
I doff my cap to the following cosmetic lines for not only shading in my my predisposed pale face, they also bring joy to my daily vocabulary.

1. Urban Decay- God, I love Urban Decay. Instead of leaving me in anoymity with a blase palette of powder, they have graced our eyelids with shades such as Sin, Chopper, Polyester Bride, Grifter, Last Call, Mildew, Maui Wowie, Smog, and who could forget Shattered?!

2. MAC- Holla to the MAC folks! Not only do they produce the best quality is some-what affordable products, but they actually blessed their products with cool names. A few of my faves are Swimming, Gorgeous Gold, and Material Girl.

3. Mark- Oh Mar, we haven't talked in a while. We need to catch up. But, even though we're not up to date in each other's lives, that doesn't mean I can't mention you! Do I not still apply Dragonfly to my eyelids or Player to my lips? Have my cheeks not glistened in the beautiful coverage of Gold-Glo?

4. Aveda- I suppose that I must mention the products of my alma-mater, Aveda. They might be a munch of pretentious, recycling, granola-munching drama-queens; but boy do they have a way with words. A few of my favorite shades from their natural cache of custom colors are Vinca, Lemon Spice, Poppy, Sweet Grass, Moss, Field Stone, and Sunset.

5. OPI- What is a list of the cleverly named without OPI? Oh OPI! You're the queen, the master, the ringleader of coming up with shades that are so much fun to say, that half the pleasure is at the tip of our tongues instead of the tipsof our toes? Where would we be with Lincoln Park After Dark, I'm Not Really a Waitress, or You Don't Know Jacques!?

So readers, I beg of you. Screw Covergirl and Maybelline! They obviously do not care about their offspring. They didn't give the time of day to bless their palette of products with a name? What's in a name, you may ask? Well, my make-up brush, that's what.